Here's what his personal ad said:
Single, white male, late thirties, seeks vivacious female, 18-40, for adventure. I am sensitive, loyal and caring, average height and build, ice blue eyes with flecks, employed, financially secure, no children. I am looking for someone I can enjoy exciting activities with, as well as quiet times. I enjoy long walks on the beach, hikes in the hills and the great outdoors. If you are looking for someone to pamper and spoil you, take you for romantic al fresco dinners and show you the sights, I just might be your man. Photo provided on request.
Here's what his personal ad actually meant:
Single, white male: separated, but hanging on until I get half the sale value of that double-wide
Late thirties: forty-three, if a day
Seeks vivacious female: seeks hot, racy minx, preferably gorgeous
18-40: Legal but not old
For adventure: for hot, racy sexual encounters
I am sensitive, loyal and caring: My sister told me to write this
Average height: 5'6''
And build: 280 pounds
Ice blue eyes with flecks: dull grey on a good day, perpetually rimmed in bloodshot
Employed: part-time at Dairy Queen
Financially secure: broke and okay with it
No children: that I'm aware of
I am looking for someone I can enjoy exciting activities with, as well as quiet times: after the rambunctious sex, there will be lengthy periods of sleep.
I enjoy long walks on the beach: free
Hikes in the hills: free
And the great outdoors: free
If you are looking for someone to pamper and spoil you: I'll rub your feet after a hard day's work because I have a kinky foot fetish...oh, and it's free.
Take you for romantic, al fresco dinners: How does a burger, fries and a double-thick shake on the tailgate of my truck sound to you, darlin'?
And show you the sights: but you have to show me yours too...
I might be your man: I said might, girl, don't push me.
Photo provided on request: My mom thinks I'm a looker...honest.
Needless to say, there was no second date. On the plus side though, I don't feel half as guilty referring to my fat ass as bodacious.
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6 comments:
This is so funny and, sadly, so true to life.
Contact Cathy on the Novel Racers. I think she and Liz own the blog which was started by Kate Harrison - www.kate-harrison.com
Fiona...sneeking over from the Novel Racers
I loved your interpretation :-)
Hi Helen
Just stopping by to say hi from the Novel Racers:))
I love those ads. That one sounds like quite a catch:))
x
That was hilarious. I know it wasn't at the time for you, but hang in there. I found my perfect husband through an internet site(Yes, he really is perfect.) but only after having to go through many many losers.
And welcome to the novel race. See ya around the blogs. =oD
Loved this!
BTW it's not me to contact on Novel Racers...it was Nichola, Liz and might also be Cally (CTaylor). Anyway, you've joined us so hopefully you found someone to help. :-)
I actually like the idea of fast food on a truck bed... but the rest not so much.
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